In my view, arrogance is one of the greatest career blockers and one of the most difficult perceptions to overcome. Part of the reason is that often, arrogance is conveyed by body language and by inadvertent behaviors that others perceive as arrogant. For that reason, it is particularly difficult to coach someone on how to avoid appearing arrogant, especially if they are already perceived as such.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines arrogant as “having or showing the insulting attitude of people who believe that they are better, smarter, or more important than others.”
As we talk about how to avoid or overcome arrogance, remember that in the above dictionary definition, the key phrase in the definition of arrogance is an “insulting attitude.”
Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance. Merriam-Webster defines confidence as “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.” There is nothing insulting about a healthy level of confidence. In fact, confidence can inspire coworkers and can enable you and the others in your organization to develop a collaborative work environment that enables you to get things done. But arrogance turns people off and makes them far less collaborative.
How Do You Know if You Are Perceived as Arrogant?
I have worked with a number of people who had no idea that they were perceived as arrogant. As mentioned, once that perception exists, it is difficult to reverse it. So here are some ways to self-reflect on the possibility that you might be exhibiting some of the common characteristics of arrogant people.
The trick to mitigating this perception is to become aware of arrogance, try to avoid or stop it, and transform it, whenever possible, into a more positive, productive behavioral trait. Consider your answers to these questions:
- Do you find yourself impatient and unwilling to listen to others?
- Do you believe that most people are not up to your level of intelligence?
- Do you tend to dominate conversations and even interrupt others when you have what you believe is a better point to make?
- Do you view most others as competitors instead of equals?
- Do you take credit for successes and blame others for failures?
- Do you patronize others by using language that can be perceived as condescending?
- Do you display an attitude of superiority, as if other people’s ideas and opinions don’t matter?
- Do you use the words “I” and “me” much more than “we” and “us”?
- Do you generally think that your way is the right way?
- Do you seem to have a lot of enemies?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is an indication that some of your actions, and your attitude, might come across to others as arrogance. Monitor your own attitude and behaviors carefully and avoid those tendencies.
Overcoming Arrogance
In addition to avoiding the behaviors and traits noted above, consciously take the following steps to avoid arrogance and even potentially reverse the perception over time.
- Recognize That You Are Human
You will make mistakes, and you are a work in progress. Occasionally poke fun at yourself.
- Listen to and Value Other People’s Points of View
If you value and thoughtfully consider other opinions, you will build stronger relationships with, and earn the respect of, your coworkers.
- Avoid Having an Attitude of Entitlement
Recognize that you should not demand, nor do you deserve, special treatment. No one does.
- Be Considerate of Others
Avoid dominating every conversation and inappropriately interrupting others. Never take advantage of your rank in a way that inconveniences others. Doing so will stifle your potential for leadership roles because no one will want to follow you.
- Avoid Belittling Others
I have witnessed many examples of public humiliation. This is never acceptable. If you ever do it, it will render you an ineffective leader with no respect from others and no following. Reprimanding a subordinate or colleague in an open forum embarrasses and demotivates the person in question, and it makes others fear displeasing you. People will begin to tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to know. A team of sycophants can be dangerous and counterproductive. As a manager, remember to praise in public or in private, but always correct or reprimand someone in private.
- Be Gracious
Go out of your way to praise the good work of others, no matter what their level in the organization. Doing so communicates that you have noticed them and that you value what they do. You’ll be surprised at how quickly the word will get out that you are a gracious person. That reputation will attract others to you. It might even result in having others open up to you with new ideas because they know you’ll listen.
An employee who demonstrates integrity, is trustworthy, and is confident but not arrogant is far more likely to succeed and advance in an organization than an employee who does not possess these qualities.
Employers can teach technical skills, but they cannot teach valuable “soft” skills like integrity and trust. Demonstrating that you exhibit, and value, these characteristics will lay a solid foundation for your effectiveness and value to your organization.